he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
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