i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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