Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
