he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
