he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
