there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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