Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
