I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
