Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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