went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
