the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
