At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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