i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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