just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
