A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
