there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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