Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
