Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
