I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
