you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
