screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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