Can Purell be used as lube?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
