apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
