Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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