I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
