I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
