I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
