The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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