party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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