so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
