Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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