dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
