Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
