i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
