I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's shark week go big or go home
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
