Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
