come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
