How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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