There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
