the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
it's great music for shaving your balls
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Bring me that man meat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
