I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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