i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
