Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
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