I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
