I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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