Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
