Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
