the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
