Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
