3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
