The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
