hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
