Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
