Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
