he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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