I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
