just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
