Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You are a genius and a whore.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize