Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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