So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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