I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
