Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
