fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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