As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
