Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
