i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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