i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
