The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
