If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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