he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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