my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
