your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
