i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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