True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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