does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
