Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
