He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
