Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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