I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
areolas are like halos for boobs.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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