this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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