He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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