See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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