you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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