she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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