Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
